Having a random hookup so left but love u
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
