I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
