Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
