remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
