I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
