then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
