Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
