I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
