i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
