so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
