her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
