Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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