I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
