WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
