I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
