Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Randomize
