lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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