Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
