Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
