The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
