I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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