Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
