Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
