put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
