New invention idea: vibrating tampons
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
this beer tastes like vomit already
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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