i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
