party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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