Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
