wakey wakey hands off snakey
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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