There is no way he is gay with that hair.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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