We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize