dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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