The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
