My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
