so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize