my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
then he tried to convert me to islam
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I supernannyed him into submission
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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