Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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