all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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