I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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