I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
