i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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