Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
