Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You are a genius and a whore.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
