Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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