so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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