Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
