I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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