I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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