your parents love me but you hate me
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Let's paint friendship bongs
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
