So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
