i already hear my dad disowning me
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
