My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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