Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

i don't plan on having that self control this summer

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.

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(718): View more from New York

he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs

(1-718): View more from New York

I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.

(718): View more from New York

the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.

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(734): View more from Michigan

I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.

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(440): View more from Ohio

New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."

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(702): View more from Nevada

My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story

(702): View more from Nevada

they all just nodded

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(516): View more from New York

It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.

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(773): View more from Illinois

I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.

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(256): View more from Alabama

Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016

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