i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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