He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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