..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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