You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
