ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
