We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
