Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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