i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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