in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
