In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
