come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
