Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
