I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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