I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
