woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
