its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize