I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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