the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
