I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize