She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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