I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
